Just a few things I’ve heard recently on the floors that don’t have enough to them to become full stories.
On my way down to stick a patient Samuel Jackson ( I checked there are multiple in our hospital system so, so long as I don’t give a date of birth or date when they are in you can’t find out anything about the PT, and that’s very important.) I walked by the nurses’ station just in time to hear the nurse filling the doctor in on that particular patient. She was giving blood pressures and glucose levels and what not; at that point the doctor asked what the patients name was again. She informed him that it was Samuel Jackson and without skipping a beat the doctor said “oh well shit did he get bit by a snake on a plane, that’s easy to treat”
Sitting at a computer charging some blood I over hear two nurses talking about a patient with scabies, the one nurse was obviously new because she hadn’t encountered that before. When the new nurse asked what it would feel like if she got them the older nurse replied “oh honey it’s really itchy it’s like getting a really bad case of crabs….just on your arms….why you looking at me like that.”
Lastly this is an old story of mine, from around the third month I had been working at the hospital but I ran into the doctor the other day and we were reminiscing about out it. One day I went up to a very grumpy old man’s room to stick when he informed me that I wouldn’t be sticking me….he did so by saying “get the fuck out, none of you vampires are coming near me again” I usually take that as a refusal. But as I was leaving the doctor was walking in and told me to hold on a second he would convince him, so I waited because I knew it would be interesting because this guy was pissed and wanted to leave AMA. The rest as follows is the dialogue that went on to the best of my memory.
Patient: Doc I said I want to get the hell out of here what took you so fucking long do you have crap for brains.
Doctor: yes and this is my student half-crap for brains
Student: hello sir may we-
Patient: No you fucking can’t I’m leaving
Doctor: I told you until you at least let us get a cursory check of you I’m not letting you leave and if you leave against medical advice before I get that chance I will call the police and let them know you aren’t fit to drive.
Patient: You can’t do that, that’s patient confidentiality.
Doctor: if you are to break the law I can and will and you are not fit to drive so hence you can’t leave yet.
Patient: fine tell me what you want and let me leave.
Doctor: first off I want you to let this young man over here to draw blood then we can get those results and go from there.
Patient: fuck that I hate needles so figure out another way
Doctor: Well okay then see my student here he’s going to take this camera and put up your rear end and take a look around
*by the way at this point both the patient and the student look terrified…I could barely hold the laughter in because I knew this guy was in for chest pains*
Patient(stammering): wwwwwelll IIIII don’t want that either what are my other options
Doctor: it’s the blood or that
Patient: how does that have anything to do with my chest pain?
Doctor: have you ever heard of differed pain it can be a nasty thing and you may have a horrible bowel obstruction, which could prove deadly.
Student (whispers to doctor): sir you know that’s nearly impossibly the case at hand.
Doctor: alright bud your choice go home and get arrested in the parking lot, let this young man take blood or let my student with clumsy big hand stick a camera up your butt.
Patient: well if I let that guy stick me I can go home right?
Doctor: yes
Patient: …..well I guess its better then something up the ass.
Doctor: hey I’m not here to judge so if that’s what you believe that’s fine.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
To that old man that made me laugh.
For my many friends and readers on facebook *cough * Kate *cough* they may have noticed that I’ve put up several posts about an old man doing many funny things at the hospital. So I've decided to write a bit about him hoping that he can at the very least give others a smirk or two.
On a Monday, everyone’s favorite day to work, I received a stick to go do on the 12th floor and so I trudge up the stairs….okay just down the hall to the elevator because my ass is too lazy to walk up 9 flights. After dragging my feet down another hall after the elevator I walk in to see a nice old man lying in bed with his hand in his wife’s, who was sitting in the chair next to his bed. I instantly noticed that even though he obviously wasn’t well he had that goofy little smirk we all carry when we are ridiculously in love. So during the process of sticking him I made chit chat and asked how long they had been together, he instantly said, “seems like forever” and she laid a nice little punch into his wrinkly old shoulder. Then she answered me and said they had been together since high school, but had been married for 67 years. I was instantly shocked id never seen people married that long still act like that. So I finished up my duties and wished them a nice evening and made my way out of the room, at that point I had taken notice that my mood had improved immensely.
So, over the next week and a half I made sure to grab every stick for that gentleman I could because I had grown to like him quite a bit in that short a time….though he never seemed to remember me. I had actually questioned that, once again taking my cynical views thinking that perhaps he was just so happy because he was senile. Quite the contrary I found one day on one of my visits when the doctor declared to him that he had one of the best memories and minds he had seen for a man of his age. So once again this old man had restored my faith that perhaps there are happy old couples out there. I also started to gain hope that people can remain juvenile and fun until the later hours of their lives because of this man.
This being do to the fact that one day while boarding the elevator he and his wife had gotten on, where he informed me that his nurse had given him the okay to go down to the café to get a cup of coffee with his wife. I was only going down two floors so when the doors opened for me I stepped out and turned to wave bye just in time to see the old man hit every button on the elevator for the way down then shuffle off the elevator and laugh as his wife sighed and watched the doors close. He promptly hit the down button for another elevator. I just walked off laughing but with another day of an amazing attitude.
Finally on that Friday I had to go up to the 12th floor for another person but thought id stop by just to say hello, but he and his wife were not there and the room was clean. So when I walked by a nurse I had asked when they went home, because I was glad he did, but she informed me that he had passed away the night before. I was instantly saddened because that was a loss of a good man, a fun loving man, and most importantly of all a loving man. But, duty called so I went and drew my patient’s blood but as I was charging his blood I overheard the nurses talking about my dearly departed friend and I realized that even though he was gone he could still make me smile. The nurses had been talking about how they had caught him flashing his wife one day and her just rolling her eyes and smiling. So even though I mourned his loss I realized by laughing I was celebrating his life, so I just let the laughs roll.
I wrote this in memoriam to this old man because we can all only hope and strive to be as good and worthy of praise as this man was. I hope that when I am his age…or even tomorrow to be as silly and loving, jovial and caring, hilarious and affectionate as that man. Rest in peace old man.
On a Monday, everyone’s favorite day to work, I received a stick to go do on the 12th floor and so I trudge up the stairs….okay just down the hall to the elevator because my ass is too lazy to walk up 9 flights. After dragging my feet down another hall after the elevator I walk in to see a nice old man lying in bed with his hand in his wife’s, who was sitting in the chair next to his bed. I instantly noticed that even though he obviously wasn’t well he had that goofy little smirk we all carry when we are ridiculously in love. So during the process of sticking him I made chit chat and asked how long they had been together, he instantly said, “seems like forever” and she laid a nice little punch into his wrinkly old shoulder. Then she answered me and said they had been together since high school, but had been married for 67 years. I was instantly shocked id never seen people married that long still act like that. So I finished up my duties and wished them a nice evening and made my way out of the room, at that point I had taken notice that my mood had improved immensely.
So, over the next week and a half I made sure to grab every stick for that gentleman I could because I had grown to like him quite a bit in that short a time….though he never seemed to remember me. I had actually questioned that, once again taking my cynical views thinking that perhaps he was just so happy because he was senile. Quite the contrary I found one day on one of my visits when the doctor declared to him that he had one of the best memories and minds he had seen for a man of his age. So once again this old man had restored my faith that perhaps there are happy old couples out there. I also started to gain hope that people can remain juvenile and fun until the later hours of their lives because of this man.
This being do to the fact that one day while boarding the elevator he and his wife had gotten on, where he informed me that his nurse had given him the okay to go down to the café to get a cup of coffee with his wife. I was only going down two floors so when the doors opened for me I stepped out and turned to wave bye just in time to see the old man hit every button on the elevator for the way down then shuffle off the elevator and laugh as his wife sighed and watched the doors close. He promptly hit the down button for another elevator. I just walked off laughing but with another day of an amazing attitude.
Finally on that Friday I had to go up to the 12th floor for another person but thought id stop by just to say hello, but he and his wife were not there and the room was clean. So when I walked by a nurse I had asked when they went home, because I was glad he did, but she informed me that he had passed away the night before. I was instantly saddened because that was a loss of a good man, a fun loving man, and most importantly of all a loving man. But, duty called so I went and drew my patient’s blood but as I was charging his blood I overheard the nurses talking about my dearly departed friend and I realized that even though he was gone he could still make me smile. The nurses had been talking about how they had caught him flashing his wife one day and her just rolling her eyes and smiling. So even though I mourned his loss I realized by laughing I was celebrating his life, so I just let the laughs roll.
I wrote this in memoriam to this old man because we can all only hope and strive to be as good and worthy of praise as this man was. I hope that when I am his age…or even tomorrow to be as silly and loving, jovial and caring, hilarious and affectionate as that man. Rest in peace old man.
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